As the Oscars’ telecast droned on and on, I was happy when Brokeback Mountain won honors for best original score, adapted screenplay, and director. When the moment for Best Picture came, I was all ready to cheer on Crash. Then when Crash won, a surprising thing happened. I was sad. No, I was downright devastated.

I couldn’t believe it, for the last two weeks, all I had been talking about was how Crash was a superior movie to Brokeback, but then, when Crash won, instead of feeling the excitement of picking the right flick, I felt a tremendous sadness in my stomach, like the Academy had personally punched me in the gut.

What was going on? Where was this pain of loss coming from?

As the days passed, I realized I wasn’t the only one to feel it. The morning news the next day had gone to a gay country western bar to film audience reaction to the Oscars. As they filmed the bar goers as Brokeback lost Best Picture, the look of loss on this room of gay men, decked out in their country western wear, was palpable.

My NPR affiliate did a post-Oscars talk show, where several local movie critics took calls. One of the movie critics made a small innocuous comment that, in the end, all Brokeback Mountain really was “was a fluffy little love story.” I remember thinking to myself, “ouch that hurt.” I wasn’t alone. The call-in lines were filled with people, angry, in fact, livid, at the critic for his comment. Seems like I wasn’t the only one that was a little touchy about Brokeback’s loss.

So what explains, our community’s deep sense of loss? What’s going on here?

I think I have an idea, and it goes back to representation, even if its something as frivolous as the Oscars’. After years of invisibility and misrepresentation of our community on the silver screen, once we finally, after over 100 years of cinema history, have a film that has an honest and poignant tale of our love, without the typical Hollywood “gay plotline” requirements of either, death by AIDS, LGBT people as serial killers, or the wacky best friend to the straight couple in love, we want to see our relationships recognized.

It should be no surprise, that when the Academy voters decided Brokeback Mountain was not “best picture” worthy, that it felt, to many in our community, the same as when our President, in his 2004 state of the union speech, demanded that we amend the constitution to deny recognition of our relationships. It’s that simple, recognition matters.

Hollywood is often portrayed as a bastion of liberal and pro-gay stalwarts. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, many academy voters have talked to gossip columnists anonymously that they would never vote for a film, “about those kind of people.” While, Hollywood has pushed the envelope in recent years, Hollywood still needs to be pushed itself.

It’s time to turn our sadness into action. It’s time that we wait not, for Hollywood to push itself, but we give Hollywood a nice little kick in the ass.

This year, we saw LGBT themes on the big screen like never before. But did we see any actual LGBT people acting in those roles?

Sure Felicity Huffman, was magnificent as a transgender woman in TransAmerica. Know what would be even more magnificent? A real transgender woman playing a transgender woman in TransAmerica.

Sure Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger were great as gay cowboys in Brokeback Mountain. Know what would be even greater? Real out gay men playing the roles of gay cowboys in Brokeback Mountain.

Why are there so few out LGBT people working as major actors and actresses in Hollywood? I think its partially because for so long, as a community, we have allowed our life stories to be told by heterosexual actors, and not demanded that stories about our lives be played by members of our community.

The time has come for that demand to be made. Enough is enough.

We should have no doubt that indeed Hollywood is both homophobic and transphobic. It may be less phobic than other areas of the country, but the homophobia and transphobia still runs deep and it is never going to change until we demand that it does.

In a perfect world, actors of all gender identities and sexual orientations could play LGBT people and LGBT people could play heterosexual heroes and heroines without suspect. We’re nowhere close to being in that perfect world.

There are thousands of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender actors and actresses in Hollywood just waiting for a chance to crack through the celluloid closet and find their rightful place in Hollywood productions of all shapes and sizes. They have made the trek from drama clubs in their high schools across the country, to fight for their rightful place in the Hollywood star factory.

So why then, are there no major out lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender American actors or actresses?

Its time to say, no more stories about us, without us. Hollywood can no longer blunt the “gay factor” by getting a straight person to play us. We have earned our place on the silver screen, now its time to take it.

I know some will worry that this will mean that LGBT people will never get the chance to play heterosexual on the screen. Well we’re not even on the screen to begin with; we’ll deal with that issue, once we get there.

For now though, our mantra should be a simple one, “no stories about us, without us.” It’s time for Hollywood to recognize our relationships, with us in them.

Jeremy Bishop is the Program Director for Pride At Work, the nation's LGBT labor organization. A graduate of Wake Forest University, Jeremy has been an activist and served on the staff of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. He may be reached at jbishop@aflcio.org.